Gloating..........

Main Entry:	boast
Part of Speech:	verb
Definition:	brag
Synonyms:	advertise, aggrandize, attract attention, blow, blow one's own horn, blow smoke, bluster, bully, cock-a-doodle-doo, con, congratulate oneself, crow, exaggerate, exult, fake, flatter oneself, flaunt, flourish, gasconade, give a good account of oneself, gloat , glory, grandstand, hug oneself, jive, lay on thick, prate, preen, psych, puff, shoot*, shovel, show off, showboat, shuck, sling, sound off, strut, swagger, talk big, triumph, vapor

Oh they don't think of themselves in those terms at all... so 'praise the Lord" and "halleluiah"... but they are...
Opaque... no, transparent and sadly deluded. They slither among us with pseudo-intellectual savvy born of fractured self-imaging.

They try to make the populace believe it's all about YOU but in fact it is all about ME (themselves) and nothing is bigger than that.

These sad creatures usually spring forth from hapless beginnings and years of lack.  When they find themselves comfortable on the backs of someone's else's labors the insidious posturing begins.

"oh, look--- I've made it!!"  "oh, poor everyone else---you haven't"  You can pick them out in a crowd... 'should-ing' all over themselves.  And sometimes when you least expect it that spotlight shines on someone you once appreciated. 

 

When you find yourself in the company of should-ers... just quietly walk away.  Smile, count your blessings and walk away.  

 

 

 

Arrogance vs Confidence

Confidence vs. Arrogance…is it merely a question of semantics? I think not.

While confidence can be mistaken for arrogance, and vice-versa, they are clearly not interchangeable terms. When you think of yourself as a leader do you view yourself as having the quiet confidence of David or the boastful arrogance of Goliath? In today’s post I’ll describe, IMHO, the power that resides with the truly confident, as contrasted with self-destructive characteristics that plague the arrogant…

When you think of a true leader do you envision someone who displays a quiet confidence or a blatant arrogance?  In the competitive worlds of business and politics a reserved attitude of humility can often be misinterpreted as a sign of weakness. However if you’ve ever negotiated with a truly confident person who is authentically humble, you’ll find that their resolve is often much greater than the feigned confidence of the arrogant. While hubris can be a needed trait to call upon at times, to rely solely upon it as the foundation of your leadership style just doesn’t work. 

Great contrasting examples of confidence vs. arrogance as it applies to leadership would be the quiet confidence of World War II Generals’ Omar Bradley and Dwight Eisenhower vs. the often outrageous arrogance of Generals’ George Patton and Douglas MacArthur. All four were great strategists and tacticians, but it was the two less grandiloquent commanders who went down in history as more highly regarded leaders. They were able to command greater loyalty and respect from peers and subordinates alike with less bravado and more humility and discernment.

The truth of the matter is that few things have inspired and motivated me over the years like the quiet confidence and humility of great leaders. I would much rather listen to the self-deprecating humor of a confident person making fun of themselves than the mean spirited attacks of an arrogant person waged at someone else’s expense. More importantly, I would much rather work for, or along side of, the understated than the overstated. Those professionals that have self respect, and demonstrate a true respect for others regardless of their station in life, are much more likely to be successful over the long-term than those that use the tactics of disrespect to humiliate and intimidate.

While arrogant people can and often do succeed in business, I believe that it comes at a great personal and professional cost. Arrogance rarely results in lasting relationships built on a foundation of loyalty and trust. Rather arrogant people typically find themselves surrounded by exploitive individuals who are all to happy to ride the “gravy-train” in good times, but at the first sign of trouble all you will see is their backs as they run for the hills.

The confident also succeed in business, but not at the expense of others as do the arrogant. You’ll find confident leaders have broader spheres of influence, attract better talent, engender more confidence, and earn more loyalty and respect than do those that lead with solely with their chutzpa.

If what you’re seeking is lasting relationships, long-term success, and a better quality of life (in and out of the workplace) then you will be better served to forgo the pompous acts of the arrogant, and substitute the humility and quiet confidence displayed by true leaders.

I welcome any discussion about how either confidence or arrogance has impacted your role as a leader. Please share your thoughts…





( right on Bro. Mike!!)

Do NOT drink the blue kool-aid

Going through my mail today I was delighted to have a letter from a friend in Scotland.  Holding the envelope in hand I read the address... "USA" in red right after the zip code caught my attention.

I said out loud, " yes! I live in the USA and last time I checked it was still a free country.  I was born here.  I live in this culture--- the AMERICAN culture." 

Now, as diverse as that may be, it is not a foreign culture or a third world culture.  People flock here from foreign countries and third world countries to ESCAPE those cultures.  If I decided to move to Russia, Iran or Nigeria I'd adopt that culture because that was my chosen geography.  I'm just silly enough to believe that if someone has chosen to escape their culture and country and live in this country... then learn the culture and the language.  I don't need to learn the culture you've obviously run screaming from... you need to adapt to ours. Oh, sorry--- that wasn't politically correct now was it.  I, for one, will even spend lots of time helping you learn and adapt.

Years ago I taught ESL classes (English as a second language).  The prime directive was NOT to allow the students to weasel the teachers into learning their language in an attempt to make it easier. We were ONLY ever to speak English!  I had 12 students from Latin/Spanish speaking countries. Some words do not translate well at all.  During the classes covering the names and uses of certain outerwear, the little Guatemalan boys translated goulashes into rubbers and it all went down hill from there. Since I didn't know their language I was completely at a loss to understand what was going on.  There was such a ruckus the administrator arrived to see what the issue was. Since the boys would not "fess-up" to their joke the administrator threatened to expel the offenders. You might say he had no sense of humor-- he didn't.  You might say he was too strict-- he was.  You might say he was a power monger-- he also was that. The administrator left with, " I'll be back in 10 minutes and you'd better tell me the truth or you are all expelled."  As soon as the door closed, a woman from Peru came to tell me what had happened. I asked her to tell the class that rain boots are not condoms but we'd cover that in a different class. More riotous laughter. When the administrator returned, I explained the issue and the cause of the uproar.  He chastised the boys and demanded they be respectful of the teachers or out they'd go. Harmless fun and lots of laughter later I got it all untangled but they never let me forget the joke they'd played on me.  And as you can see from this story... neither have I.  It all boiled down to culture.  The administrator was a first generation new citizen from Germany.  NO laughing at or with the teachers !!!  NO joking, you are here to learn !!! I spent lots of time with the administrator coaching him about what I considered "my" culture and how "his" cultural experiences were going to be an issue and destroy the program.  It then became very clear why we had such a high turn-over of teachers whom he'd chastened into leaving due to his strict authoritarian rulings.  I can report that 2 years later, the atmosphere was very different.  Herr Strong (isn't that funny) was a softer, gentler leader.  However, by then we'd lost two dozen very qualified, mature and compassionate VOLUNTEER teachers and much of our funding!!!


I received this note today: (prompting this blog entry)

Dear Dr. Alloway,

A young boy with little experience and too much authority is crushing peoples' spirits with his "culture".  He is demanding and inflexible and borders on narcissistic. Alright... narcissistic.  I've met several times w/him to try to soften the edges to no avail. He may be bright but he has little control of that brightness. He is so full of himself... he is very young. I get that part. He has no idea how to motivate people nor has he any idea how THIS culture works.  SO... "you have to be sensitive to his culture" is the edict... "you have to understand his culture"... " you have to speak his language".  Really?  It does little good to perpetuate his arrogant behaviors because that is "his" cultural experiences...  IMHO."   HELP!!


As with ESL... this young boy needs to learn this culture before he is given any authority or risk his damaging cultural behaviors will destroy and drive away the very qualified and gifted VOLUNTEER leaders and associates.
With them will go thier funds!

Here is a litmus test you can tuck away and bring out when you need it.  Those who speak ill of you behind closed doors, in emails and/or txt messages etc. and will not meet with you in person with a witness present to discuss and resolve any real or imagined issues.............. they are lying.  Caught in a lie. Making up lies. Spreading lies (gossip) and a cancer in your organization.  IMHO  :)


Organizations tend to live and die by their Policy and Procedure Manuals.  There are policies and procedures for literally everything.  Just think about your organization and the number of policies and procedures that guide what you do.  Some policies and procedures are written, while others may simply be spoken or understood organizational mores.  Or maybe you have a wall of "forms" with which to contend.


There is one policy that in my opinion is the most devastating to an organization.  It’s the Behind Closed Doors Policy! You won’t find this written in your organization’s policy and procedure manual; however you will find it written on the faces of organizational leaders around the globe.

Some behind closed door meetings are appropriate and necessary.  There are many different types of Behind Closed Doors Policies that are detrimental to an organization, just ask Mr. Enron and Mrs. AIG. The Behind Closed Doors Policy that I’m referring to is this — What I say to you in your face is different that what I say about you behind closed doors.  This policy is a killer and often times it’s implemented without even realizing it.  This policy is born out of The Fundamental Flaw Of Leadership, which is rooted in not shooting straight with team members and not allowing them to know where they stand.

I remember changing supervisors one time at a particular job and my new supervisor brought me in his office and said this “Do you want to know what people say about you when you are not in the room?  Well here it is," and proceeded to share. Fortunately, the report was really, really great and I was humbled. Frankly, I didn't think they even liked me.  Very few ever spoke to me. ( that would be another blog though) But it might have been a very different conversation and I am quite certain for others in that group it was. That’s a great starting place and develops an Above Board Policy.

The policy that I have always incorporated into the culture of my various teams in ministry, non-profit and in corporate America is simply this:

1. You will always know where you stand and never have to guess.
2. I won’t say anything behind close doors that I have not or am not planning on saying to your face.
3. I will be gracefully-brutally honest with you and when necessary, in front of the entire team. (this is not an issue of correcting in public; however some issues are more effectively handled in a public setting, especially when the public group is involved)

Behind Closed Doors Policies are born out of an unwillingness to openly confront the brutal facts and they are detrimental to the health and wealth of an organization.  Replace your Behind Closed Doors Policy with an Above Board Policy.  The Above Board Policy always lets people know where they stand and reduces the potential for the detrimental types closed door meetings.

GRACE ENOUGH

Every morning when I wake up I find a neatly wrapped gift lying on my chest. Now I have to admit that in my past I pushed this gift aside without even looking at it. I was too rushed and determined to get things done to even consider opening it. I was working, pushing, and trying so hard to make my life work out with so little progress at the end of each day. I trudged through all of my pains, challenges and difficulties while things went from bad to worse. I kept crawling through my life until I was too exhausted to go on. Then one morning I finally noticed that beautiful gift lying there and opened it for the first time.

These days when I open my eyes and see the gift waiting for me, I smile. I carefully and happily tear off the paper and open the box. I take out the gift and hold it in my arms. I give thanks for it and bring it with me wherever I go all through the day. This gift makes my life so much better. I meet people with a smiling face and a loving heart. I laugh easily, sing often, and feel my spirit dancing even when my feet don't. I face life's struggles, challenges, difficulties, and pains with hope, determination, optimism, and joy. I know that whatever I must face and whatever I must do that this glorious gift will carry me through.

This gift is Grace.

It is the unconditional love of God.

It is the unmerited help of our Heavenly Father in all we do.

Grace is waiting for us each and every morning of our lives. It is waiting to make a home in our hearts and minds. It is waiting for us to share it with the world.

Grace is there ready to help us live our live with love every single day.   What are you going to do when you wake up tomorrow morning? Are you going to shove this Gift aside and struggle to make it on your own? Or are you going to thank God for this precious Gift, take it in your hands, and place it joyfully into your soul?

WinterSpring

Winterspring

Another new year has arrived. The holidays are over. Christmas is three-hundred-plus days away - and fifteen days in the past. The Christmas tree, once the focus of dazzled, holidazed eyes no longer glows magically in the corner of the family room. This former centerpiece of family, friends and good times now lies unceremoniously dumped by the curb awaiting the garbage man. I hope he gives the thing a proper burial; may it decompose in peace (DIP) and rejoin the natural world from which it was so rudely plucked.

Unless you're a big Valentine's Day nut, there isn't much to look forward to until spring. Spring around here is just the second chapter of winter.

Thing is... I really like Winter!! And I would love nothing more than to moan and whine about the cold, dark days ahead. It would, at least, give me something to do. January and February aren't exactly the kind of months that make normal people feel all warm and fuzzy - at least not here in the Hooville. If you're the kind of person who likes gloomy days and icicles hanging from your nose you should be in your glory right about now.

But, Hooville is a cold, nasty, wet, windy place about seven months a year. Hearty souls like me are either nutjobs who choose to live here on purpose; or were born here and don't have the money to get out - the yuppies have your share and are yukking it up at the ski lodges with it.

Since we have seven months of crummy weather, we learn to amuse ourselves with stuff like reading, TV, knitting, dominoes, cleaning, and if the weather's not too terribly atrocious, venturing out in the cold, wind and snow to have dinner or (Heaven forbid) traipse around the mall, look at aluminum siding and cell phone kiosks. If we're lucky we can even pick up a few pamphlets. That usually kills most of a winterspring afternoon. If you go to bed when it gets dark (that would be around 5:30PM ) you won't have to worry about killing anymore winterspring until morning - which comes around 8:00AM - if at all. Most of the time it's so gloomy you can't tell when the sun rises. Sun? What's that?

In case you're wondering, which you're probably not, winterspring is a new season I have invented. 

Anyway, here I am, stuck in Hooville, in January, with nothing to do but wait for spring. When it comes it will be just another act in winter's cruel play: "Winter Act II - The Struggle of the Tulips."

The other day, refusing to acquiesce to the gloomy boredom, I decided to take a walk in what the Weather Channel described as "bitterly cold wind chills". Now, those of you who think the word walk means walking from your car to the entrance of Wal-mart have no idea of what kind of prep it takes to get ready to walk in "bitterly cold wind chills". Let's just put it this way - if you plan on walking at 4:00PM then you better start getting ready to walk at 3:30PM. A one-hour walk in the Hooville winter equals two hours of time - one hour of walking and one hour prepping and deprepping (grammarians start your howling).

I digress. I can almost FEEL the blood pressure puffing up your carotid arteries as you read this. "What a lame brain this nut is. Doesn't she have anything better to do but whine about her stupid walking in cold weather. Get a life." To you I say "Tsk! Tsk!". Whining is what we do best in Hooville- especially in winter.

After putting on my UnderArmor stuff that covers every possible square inch of things that might get cold, I put on a sweatshirt, sweatshirt jacket with hood, hat, winter coat, waterproof winter walking shoes - and before you think I'm pandering to your baser instincts - yes I had on pants.

I walked out the door dressed for the arctic as it used to be before global warming (insert a chortle here) - a polar bear's delight. The Weather Channel's idea of "bitterly cold wind chills" and mine differ. After twenty-minutes of walking, I was sweating. Under my sweatshirts, coats, beloved UnderArmor and multiple layers of clothing, my body was entirely covered by a layer of moisture that only those who love the musky scent of dirty, sweaty athletes would enjoy.

There is nothing worse than sweating under fifteen layers of clothing while you're outside in the middle of winter. It makes you feel like you're coming down with bird flu. Speaking in more appropriate medical terms - it makes you feel funny. I was sweating and feeling like I was getting sick and I still had a million miles to go.

I digress. When I walk I have goals. Unless I drop dead in the middle of a walk, I continue walking no matter what. I'm happy to say I have not dropped dead even once during a walk - yet. This pleases me much more than it pleases you, I'm sure.

Sweating like a triathlon participant, I kept walking in the Weather Channel's "bitterly cold wind chills". Suddenly, it began to snow. It was the kind of snow that Currier and Ives dreamed about - large, fluffy flakes falling from a leaden sky. There was no wind at all - no wind chill at all - nothing but a beautiful winter scene unfolding before my eyes. The landscape was being painted by nature's gentle brush and I was lucky enough to watch her paint.

An epiphany shook me and shivers ran through me - how lucky I am to be alive and how lucky to witness a perfect winter scene. Hooville winters are long and dark and sometimes boring. They're monotonous, cold, wet and dreary - sometimes they are ugly and they are always too long. We don't have spring anymore - we have Winter Major and Winter Minor which I call Winterspring. That's just the way it is in the forest.

There is nothing so ugly that you cannot find some beauty in it; nothing so dark that you cannot find light in it. I would not trade this serene, soft, winter scene unfolding before my eyes for all the palm trees in Tahiti. There is love wherever you look; there is beauty in everything; there is peace in the wildest storm. You can look at everything and see it in whatever light you want. We all decide how we will look at thing. Love, beauty, light and peace are everywhere and we decide how we want to look at things. Sometimes you find the most beautiful things when you are not looking at all.

Guess I'll stop whining for now................

Ambition? Oh, I know that slave driver............

I know ambition alright. 

She calls my name. She tells me I'm not enough yet. Maybe I will never be enough.
She blurs my perspective so that I can't see the goodness right in front of me.
She tells me that I must try harder, work longer, stop slacking off, do better and go farther than
I am right now.

But then these words--

1 Thessalonians 4:11 NIV

New International Version

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you..........."

 

What?

I don't know this ambition.
It sounds so much more like my Savior.
The One who calls me to smallness, stillness to peace and life.
The One who whispers, "You are enough in me because I am enough in you."
The One who stops me from striving, who gives me permission to slow down, who tells me my worth is already won forever.
Yes, this is the ambition I want to live with, to live for.
A quiet life...especially on the inside.
Where all the demands and lies have been silenced.

And all that's left is ambitious, outrageous, scandalous
Love calling my name.

Thank you, Lord!!

Wake Up... We are not Alone.

There is no greater waste of one's time than worrying over what someone else may or may not feel, think or say about you. *

We Are Not Alone!!

 

No natural need can exist without that which has been created to directly answer it. For instance, a creature couldn't thirst for water if water didn't preexist its need to drink. This feeling of attraction that we have -- whether to take a drink of water or connect with the world above us -- is proof of the existence of two parties. First, is the part of us that feels this draw, and then there is by necessity something acting upon us to create the longing itself. As paradoxical as it may seem, if we are moved to seek the Divine, it's because the Divine is calling us!

Let's pause here to see how this celestial need expresses itself through some simple examples that are common to all of us: Where does our longing for someone to love originate? Is it not with the awakening of an internal force urging us to explore and experience the deepest parts of ourselves? When we say -- or feel toward another -- "You complete me," what we're really saying is something like "Through you I've realized parts of myself I wouldn't have known even existed; you have helped introduce me to who I really am."

Perhaps we've a yearning to learn how to paint, write poetry, climb a mountain, or become a chef. We are drawn to that pursuit -- whatever its nature -- for much the same reason we search for a lover. Something in us knows that it is only through this relationship that we will be introduced to -- awakened to -- our own higher possibilities.

C. S. Lewis, the great author, essayist, and Christian apologist, supports this important finding:

All the things that have ever deeply possessed your soul have been but hints of it -- tantalizing glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear. But if IT should really become manifest --if there ever came an echo that did not die away but swelled into the sound itself -- you would know it. Beyond all possibility of doubt you would say, "Here at last is the thing I was made for." We cannot tell each other about it. It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasable want, the thing we desired before we met our spouse or made our friends or chose our work, and which we shall still desire on our deathbeds, when the mind no longer knows spouse or friend or work. —The Problem of Pain

The need for whatever it may be that we're drawn to is the yet to be realized presence within us of that very thing to which we are drawn. This means that no matter how distant seems our guiding star, or how isolated we may feel in our journey towards its light, these higher truths we're learning would have us know otherwise; we are not alone....

* I am reading a uniquely captivating book just now.  Part of the above is excerpted from that book entitled  The Seeker, The Search, The Sacred: Findley