For Jennifer

Rev. Dorothy-Yorke Alloway, Ph. D.  10.8.1998

You light some jasmine incense.

Smoke imitates a bird, a feather, then disappears.

You sit on a woven mat, your spine facing West to East.

Balance resides in your presence

paying homage to the sun radiating in your smile.

You have offered your spirit to the absence of strife.

Peace rests on every object now...

your periwinkle scarf draped on a polished silver hook,

a verdant marble egg, the pale yellow teapot filled with steaming milk and a plum blush held captive in your warm sable brushes resting on worn battenberg.

Outside the crisp air exhales crystal faeries in a blur

skipping across the frozen sill.

You close your eyes, breath deeply

filling your center with translucent calm.

Exquisite to behold!

You arrive at this place elfin yet wearied of life’s tricks.

The hype, the funk, the veneer,

all trappings of another time.

You’ve given up your designer affair,

the glamour of upper mobility faded and worn.

You’ve given over your father’s name

and run from man-made fiber and the skins of chickens and all that lurks beneath.

The lure of flash and pan no longer seduces you.

I sit still in my twice stuffed chair watching, unable to write or move,

drinking in your sense of self and the peace that fills the space. 

I marvel, thinking, that entire body came from within me.

Your torso dips and sways

lithe as a frond in the pool

your arms splayed like tender petals

your hair shining and floating, comes to rest at your side.

It is obvious you know intimately the very essence of water.

Have I told you how I admire your spirit, your strength, your resilience?

Life has taken many things but it has not stolen your grace or tainted your innate beauty.

My baby's toes...

"Dreaming of my baby's toes"

... tiny niblets strung together. I always wondered at their strength. Those toes have taken her feet to many places and swept her along for the ride.  I held them while she nursed... tickled them in the bath... blew them dry with kisses and marveled at how it is that my body knew exactly how to design each one so perfectly.  Oh, she isn't a baby anymore.  In fact she has two of her own now.  Babies that is. But I can close my eyes and feel those tiny buttons on the hollow of my tongue ... and love her so deeply I can scarce breathe.  All of that over ten little toes all grown up.

p.s...................

when life hands you Lemons,
ask for Tequila and Salt then call me over!

Get Over it............ ???

 Oh, NO!!!    Has someone ever said to you {or perhaps you've said to yourself}, "just get over it"? 

As a therapist, people often tell me that advice is far easier said than done. And they usually feel guilty that's the case. But our inability to "get over it" quickly isn't a failure. It's actually part of how God wired our minds. 

When we have a negative experience, our brains release certain chemicals that correlate with what's happening. Those chemicals act like helpful little messengers that tell us about what's going on in our world.

Yes, our thoughts have influence on what we feel but there is a decidedly physical aspect too. That shouldn't surprise us--with almost everything intangible God ties a physical manifestation to it {ex: the Word made flesh}.

So long after you've decided that you will indeed "let it go" there are still those chemicals floating around in your body. It's like you have an emotional hangover. 

Fortunately, there are some ways to speed up the process of moving past negative emotions...
1) Take a walk - Actually, any kind of exercise helps because it releases endorphins, the "feel good" chemicals God put in our brains. Those endorphins replace the negative chemicals and give our moods a boost. Even ten minutes of exercise can help.

2) Listen to upbeat music - Music also impacts us physically in some mysterious ways. It helps release endorphins as well. And if you move around to your favorite tune, even better. 

3) Find flow - The state of "flow" is described as when you do something that's enjoyable, challenging, and makes you lose track of time. You are completely "in the moment" and everything else is forgotten {including that experience you just had}. Flow might come for you by cooking, writing, painting or any other activity where you mind is fully engaged. 

4) Pray honestly - When we have negative emotions, we can pray some pretty cliche prayers. It's okay to say, "God, I'm really mad/hurt/disappointed." Throughout the Psalms David fully and deeply expressed ALL of his emotions--we can too. 

5) Spend time with a positive person - If you're down in the dumps, find someone who's a little closer to cloud nine. Research has shown that because we're created to be social, we often "catch" each other's moods much like we would catch a cold {but in a good way}. Being with someone uplifiting really can make a difference. 

If you try all of the above and there are still some traces of negativity hanging around, then it's time to wait it out. As you do, give yourself grace. It's okay for it to take time to get over hurt or frustration. It's simply a reflection that you are human {and a wonderfully made one too--even in those moments}. 

What helps you move past negative emotions? 

The smaller one's character, the bigger the shadow it casts.

Character is the foundation of a human being's actions. Character is what determines the course of our life, and it is also why the world wobbles the way it does, because this planet is filled with human beings who believe that making others believe we have character is the same as having it. Where we go, what we do, all of the things that we treasure are all connected with this idea that has nothing to do with real character but with forwarding what we think our character is.

What kind of character do you have? Part of character is being willing to hold up the mirror to ourselves and really take a look. But we don't want to look at ourselves because if we look in the mirror and it shows us something we don't want to see -- everything that we are, all that we have, all that we've done -- what's it going to mean? So rather than look to see what is true, we'll put the mirror aside and look instead at a thousand pictures of the way we want to see ourselves.

The essence of character is what a human being is in relationship with. Constancy for example is a quality of character. Constancy means doing one thing all the way. The man or woman without character is a creature of circumstance -- the object of whatever thought or feeling passes through them. Look honestly at yourself: Do you have a constant character, or does every circumstance determine what you are? Is what you think about determined by what other people think about?

The measure of what a person is in relationship with is that they are able to put principle before person. What are you putting first all the time? What is your principal concern? Is it to be self-loving, self-interested, self-serving? Do you care nothing for what you are in relationship with as long as it satisfies?

We are meant to go through a transfiguration on this earth, a change internally that leaves our character like nothing it was before. We are meant to rise above this present character of "me first." To do so, we must learn to put principle before person. This means putting Truth first and ourselves last. Currently we put Truth first as long as it serves us to do so. There is no character, just the search for comfort. So our new intention is to go in a straight line, to be constant to the principle of Truth instead of to ourselves.

If you want to become a different order of human being, you have inside of you a true character that yearns to break out. You aren't supposed to spend your day thinking about money or worrying about what other people are worrying about. You're not supposed to spend your days serving yourself. You are intended to spend your days sacrificing that self for the higher principle called Character or Consciousness. That means regardless of how you feel about any situation, you put the Truth first instead of yourself.

Are you willing to learn about Real Life? Are you willing to call into question everything about yourself? Are you willing to doubt your present character? Are you willing to stand upon what you see when you're willing to look at your character? Are you willing to do without what you must if you see certain things that tell you that what you are embracing is destroying everything, including your chance to be a true human being?

These are the things you have to ask yourself.

It isn't hard to do. What's harder is to remain a human being without character.

Your life is being frittered away. Do you want to squander it? Then put principle before person!

Understand as often as you can that you need to have one first, and that first is not something determined by your self that's created in any condition of the moment.

How can you put Truth first?

If nothing else, every day, at least make a new aim to watch yourself, to hold up the mirror and work. Do what you can do so Truth can do what it's meant to do for you... and it will.

I am Forgiven...

I messed up. Again. I sat on the porch thinking about what a failure I’d been. What must G-d think of me? I was writing in my journal as I had been every day. Lately, I felt G-d had been impressing on me to only write good things—compliments people gave me, ways He used me, blessings in my life. I didn’t know why He wanted me to do this, but I felt compelled to do it. But on this morning I sat and stared at the blank page. I began to write about my mistake. I finished and looked at the black and white evidence that I was a failure yet again. Then I seemed to hear a whisper in my heart. “Rip out the page.”  I paused and listened closer. “Rip out the page.” “G-d, what are You saying? What do You mean, rip out the page? I need to record this mistake. I need to remember it.” Again the clear message came. “Rip out the page.” I touched the white page of my journal, now covered with writing. Then slowly I pulled from top to bottom. The paper made a sharp sound as it separated from the journal. Only a few fragments of white paper remained where my mistake once had been. The picture couldn’t have been more clear. Forgiveness. Mercy. Grace. It was all right there on the clean, white pages of my journal. G-d seemed to whisper to my heart again. “All of the mistakes and failures you remember, all the secrets you run from, all the regrets and remorse…they are all gone. Every one of them has been torn from the story of your life. You are forgiven. You are accepted. You are loved.” My heart was overwhelmed. I kept thinking about what G-d had spoken to me on the porch.  Later in the morning, I prayed about it again. This time I sensed G-d adding something more to what He had whispered. Daughter, do you know why I wanted you to keep a “good things” journal? It’s because that’s what My journal about you is like. If you were to read the story of your life, that’s what you would read. Not mistakes or failures, but the times you were a blessing, the ways you please Me, the love you show others. The good things I think about you. G-d’s love was so real and strong, so much bigger than I even imagined. I realized at that moment that G-d loves me. He doesn’t just tolerate me. He doesn’t just put up with me because I’m a Christian and He has to. He really, truly loves me. So wherever you are, whatever mistake you have written in the journal of your life, know that G-d has ripped it from the pages. There’s only love. There’s only grace. The story of your life is far different than you imagined…and the Author loves you far more than you ever dared to dream.

This Independence Day why not write your own Declaration of Independence?

What do you want to declare or break free from?

I want to break free from holding back my power. I no longer want to live with only my low beams on. I want to shine so unequivocally that others decide to abandon their own shadow choices. I want to break away from the undermining thinking of the “realistic” world --- and choose some independent thinking, some firecracker, celebrating, birth-giving thoughts. 

As of this very second, I allow myself to be blessed.

I allow myself to be uncorked, unabashed, and showered with delicious good in every facet of my life.

I don’t need to fit in anymore, in the world of struggling, suffering, complaining, belittling. I am going nova and that’s okay. I am willing to have things be easeful and brimming with sheer wonder and I am willing to deserve this. None of us deserve this. That’s why it’s grace. It’s not about deserving. It’s about allowing the Holy Spirit to love and give to us.

Creator, I am willing to allow you to give to me now. My work here doesn’t have to be oppressive. I don’t have to plod up hill anymore, dimming my song, or accepting crumbs and crusts and bowing my head. I can keep my heart wide-open and parade through wide-open doors in a welcoming world. I believe you want every golden circumstance for me. I believe you want me to experience more fun, jubilance, connection, generosity, nurturance, and synchronicity than ever before. I believe you want me to know your nature and your nature is not one of limitation or punishment or lack of any kind. I believe there are doorways to your kindness that I haven’t opened yet. There are oceans and skies I couldn’t see because I subscribed to the map of the world. There is honey I’ve never tasted, bounty not of this realm. But I am willing now to let go of the familiar and allow your unparalleled love.

I am willing to let go of what I think is possible or right or worldly or to be expected---and I am willing to allow you to dream through me, dance through me, breathe through me, grace through me, vibrate through me, peace through me, burst through me, light through me, laugh through me, gleam through me, dream through me.

I am willing to co-create with you and I am now willing to no longer limit your power with silly, tired thoughts about my own. I am no longer willing to shape your destiny by crunching mine into a little ball of stunted possibilities.

Finally, I am willing to allow myself to be cherished and loved and nourished wherever I go and in whatever I do and it’s not too much to ask , it is barely enough, because there are so many dimensions of goodness and promise that I have yet to experience. The more I allow myself to receive---the more I can open up to receiving and giving my true love to this world as I have never given before.

 In the end we only regret chances we didn't take.
The relationships we were scared to have and the decisions we waited too long to make
There comes a time in your life when you realize who matters, who doesn't, who never did and who always will.