Are you always 'fine' ??

I just don't have to say "I'm Fine." anymore..........

I read those words on a day when I wanted to pull the covers back over my head. Surely I'm the only one who ever has those days.
And then there it is...
"I believed in you, so I said, 'I am deeply troubled, Lord.' " Ps 116:10
I think of how I might say it...
"I believe in you, so I said, 'I'm fine, just fine, Lord.' " 
A smile starts to catch the corner of my lips. I laugh at myself a little, at how I imagine the G-d who spoke the world into being can't handle my emotions--all of them. 
So I climb out of bed and tell Him how I feel afraid and wonder if I have what it takes. I tell Him I wish I had more courage, more love, more time and energy. I tell Him all of it all day long.
I don't fake a smile.
I don't pretend it's okay. 
Because I believe in Him.
It's an act of faith, like a child running to her father and saying, "Daddy, it hurts!" What father would turn away? Not ours.
I climbed into bed that night, tuck the sheets in around me, lay my head on the same pillow where it rested when I first read those words. I drift to sleep not fearing monsters under my bed (or inside my head) because I'm covered by grace and I know that He knows. 
All of it.
On days like this, it seems the sweetest miracle isn't that I believe in Him.
It's that He--impossibly, stubbornly--believes in me.