My pastures are edged by dark woods. I can see it from my study table, and often while seated there, will catch some motion only to look out the window just in time to see deer moving from the woods into the sunny openness of the cleared spaces. Heads held high, nostrils testing the air, ears keen to every sound and muscles tensed, these beautiful animals approach the pastures warily, even the lure of sweet, lush grass unable to override their sense of caution.
While watching the deer today, it occurred to me that we humans behave much the same way when we first consider forgiving those who have hurt us. Like the deer, we approach with great caution, certain that in deciding to let go of our pain, we are putting ourselves at risk. It is our hunger for peace and happiness, however, that beckons us, pulling us past our wariness, into the bright, warm light of this field of love.
As we venture forth into the forgiveness field we begin to understand that forgiving is not something we do for someone else, but a gift we give ourselves. We realize almost immediately that the field is not as fraught with danger as we had feared, nor as filled with complexities as we had assumed. It is, instead, simplicity itself, as simple as stepping first from darkness into dappled shade, and from there into the light of a brand new day.
If the deer never emerged from the dark woods into the bright openness of the field, they might survive, but they would have to adapt to do so. We also adapt when we refuse to come out of the darkness of pain and fear and into the light of love. We harden and become bitter, as inwardly we adjust to the futility of our thinking. The longer we cling to our fears, pain of disillusionment and our hatreds, the more heavy and out of balance we feel. It is only in letting go that we return to center.
We each have our own reasons for not forgiving those who have hurts us. Those who've been so insensitive it takes our breath away. Those who have failed our expectations. Those who have betrayed our trust and wounded our spirit. And many times the reasons are so valid, so totally understandable that the entire world rallies around us and supports us in our unwillingness to forgive. In truth, however, unforgiveness can never be validated because it keeps us from the light of grace. And since that is what we are made of it is, in essence, keeping us from our true self.
Forgiving you is not a difficult as most would think. It is as much an act of imagination as it is anything, It dares us to think of a brighter future, one where no boundaries of right and wrong exist, but only openness and the freedom to be who we truly are.
Perhaps most importantly, though, it allows us to go to a place in our hearts where unkind, thoughtless comments, pain and suffering are
no longer allowed to have the final word.
I forgive you.
Hatred, resentment, and hurt take up too much space in our hearts. We can adapt and live that way, but we will pay a very high price. But often we will hold on to forgiveness, clutching it to ourselves, until there is nothing else for us to do but let it go - give it away, and set the burden down. I wish I could say that forgiving always brings us peace and happiness. It doesn't. But it always brings us into the light of Christ's love and for me - that is enough.
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